Porto, Portugal: “As mulheres, elas brilham.” (“The women, they glow.”)

Our previous João, the Lisboan tuk tuk driver, was a handsome devil who charmed my wife with his suave Latin demeanor. But this new João, this new charmer, was even worse. He charmed her with his words.

Suspecting nothing, we walked into his chocolate shop on Rua das Flores, but I quickly understood that we would not be leaving until his shelves were empty and his bank account was full.

His opening words were, “Men do not care about chocolate, but the women, when I speak of the chocolate, they glow.”

“As mulheres, elas brilham.” The women, they glow.

That’s not a sales pitch. It’s poetry.

This new João was a sweet-talking, chocolate-tongued seducer of women. I cannot imagine a member of the fairer sex strong enough to resist his chocolate charms and sugary sales pitch.

He talked. Oh, how the sweet-toothed son of a bitch talked. He talked about where the various chocolates come from, the special flavors he mixes in, and how they caress the tongue and free the soul.

He took my wife by the hand and had his way with her credit card while I stood there and watched.

Yes, I was financially cuckolded by this young chocolatier, but he was so good at it that I felt nothing but admiration.

Well played, João. Well played, indeed.