“A Christmas Story” is the funniest damn movie ever made. It was written and narrated by Jean Shepard, one of my radio heroes, who also wrote “Wanda Hickey’s Night of Golden Memories,” my favorite short story. (If you’ve never read it, do. I guarantee it’s laugh out loud funny.) One network or another airs a “Christmas Story“ marathon every year and despite the fact that Jamie and I have both seen it about fifty times, we always watch it one more time.
Throughout “A Christmas Story,” little Ralphie repeats that he wants just one thing for Christmas: “I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle.” Everyone — parents, teacher, even the department store Santa Claus — tells him it’s a bad idea because, “You’ll shoot your eye out.”
On Christmas morning his parents surprised him with the BB-gun. He ran outside and took his first shot, the BB ricocheted back, broke his glasses, and damn near put his eye out.
Thinking quickly, little Ralphie told his mother that his wound was caused by a falling icicle.
Hey, I was born and raised in California. I knew nothing about icicles. I’d never seen one until today.
Now I can’t go outside because I’m afraid one of those things will put my eye out.