A few mornings back Jamie said, ”Today is our anniversary.” I guess a look of horror must have crossed my face because she started laughing and said, ”Not our wedding anniversary. The anniversary of the day we moved to Texas. Our wedding anniversary’s not for a couple more weeks.”
Those couple of weeks have now passed and I have now been married to this sweet, beautiful, wonderful woman for twenty-two years. She had to drag me kicking and screaming to the altar, but marrying her is clearly the best thing I ever did. But what the hell was she thinking?
Here are twenty-two years worth of photos. But first a story about our wedding day.
If you were a Friends fan, you may well remember the episode where the friends discuss their freebie lists — pre-approved lists of celebrities each character could sleep with without upsetting their significant others.
Here is some of the dialogue from Season 3, Episode 5 (“The One with Frank, Jr.”) that helps explain the concept:
Chandler: Well, we (he and girlfriend Janice) have a deal where we each get to pick five different celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can’t get mad.
Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship: Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.
Monica: So, Chandler… who’s on your list?
Chandler: Uh, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and, ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Rachel: Now, you do realize that she’s a cartoon… and way out of your league?
Chandler: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.
You get the idea.
Jamie and I thought this was a funny concept so we each made up our own freebie lists. I do not recall who filled out slots number two thorough five on my list, but perched securely at the top was nubile blonde starlet Heather Locklear.
Hubba freakin’ hubba.
The morning of our wedding, just hours before my womanizing ways were scheduled to come to an abrupt end, Jamie walked through the front door and said, ”You are never going to guess who I just ran into at Starbucks. I was standing in line behind a young couple and they had the most beautiful little girl. I kept staring at the mom standing right in front of me and thought, ‘I hate her. She has an absolutely perfect ass.’”
She caught my attention with that line.
”Go ahead. Guess who it was.”
As I said, It was the day of our wedding. I was stressed beyond belief, and didn’t feel like playing a guessing game. ”Just tell me,” I snapped.
”Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora.”
I could not believe my good luck. A once in a lifetime opportunity had dropped right square in my lucky lap. Here it was the morning of my wedding day and my soon-to-be wife, a team player if there ever was one, was surely about to reveal that she had told Heather Locklear about her fiance’s freebie list, and that Heather, intrigued and surely more than just a bit titillated by the opportunity, was at that moment upstairs in our master bedroom.
Quivering with excitement.
Eagerly awaiting the sound of my footsteps on the stairs.
She may have even started without me.
My eyes glazed over, and Jamie noticed a goofy grin on my face.
”Oh, my god. I am so sorry,” she apologized. ”I was distracted by her perfect ass and forgot all about your freebie list.”
”And by the way,” she continued, ”Richie is so handsome in person that I’m moving him up to the top of my list.”
OK, so maybe Jamie disappointed me on my final day as a single man, but she’s made up for it by making every single day of the last twenty-two years an absolute delight. I can’t wait to wake up every morning just to spend another day with her. And I cannot imagine my life without her.
Happy anniversary, Poochie Baby.
A little trivia: We’ve been married for twenty-two years and were together five years before that. I just realized that means she has been with me exactly half her life.
Now here are those photos.