A few years ago I decided I wanted a Nissan Xterra just because they looked so damn cool. Jamie seemed to think it was the dumbest idea she’d ever heard, but she agreed to accompany me down to our local dealer to check them out.
I found a row of them and was already choosing my favorite color when a salesman wandered over our way in search of a quick commission.
When I asked him how much it would cost to upgrade from cloth seats to leather and from manual transmission to automatic, he laughed. There was no leather available. There was no automatic trans available.
Turns out I didn’t really fit the buyer profile for an Xterra. Which brings us the subject of Aussie vehicles for which I also do not fit the buyer profile.
Unlike me, these Aussie men are manly sons o’ bitches and this is the vehicle most of them wrestle down the road in this neck of the outback. It makes an Xterra look like something designed for floral deliveries.
It’s a utility vehicle, known out here at a ute. That bulky, heavyweight steel contraption across the front of the ute is a safety device known as a roo bar because it keeps the ute from being totaled when it smashes into big ass kangaroos hopping down the middle of the road. And that big black pipe rising out of the left side of the engine compartment is a snorkle, which allows the engine to continue getting oxygen when most of the vehicle is under water during a monsoonal flood. (I feel compelled to admit that I really don’t understand the mechanics of how that snorkel thing is supposed to work, but it sounded good when I wrote it, so I’m going with it.)
I want one. I need one. How cool would it be to drive around Texas in one of these monsters?
Hmmmm. Wonder if they come with leather seats and automatic transmissions.