Angaston, South Australia: Why didn’t my dad think of this?

A few years ago I wrote this blog item about my dad selling cow shit by the truckload and his near monopolistic control of San Bernardino’s manure business. He was a very, very smart man but as you are about to learn, he overlooked a few very interesting product extension possibilities.

Like this one.

I’ve had some girlfriends who’ve accused me of giving them shitty gifts on Valentine’s Day, but the people behind this company clearly believe there’s a market for shitty gifts.

In addition to cow shit, they offer several far more exotic options for sending fecal matter to that special someone in your life. Such as elephant crap and gorilla poop.

What a sweet premise this could be for a romcom.

I have always been a compulsive business-thinker-upper. It’s probably part of the obsessive-compulsive disorder that controls every other aspect of my life. One of those business ideas was to be called ”Endangered Feces™.”

Get it? Endangered Feces™. It sounds like endangered species.

The concept was that I would purchase the turds of endangered species from the Los Angeles Zoo, embed them in clear plastic cubes, and sell them as paperweights. A portion of every purchase would have been donated to the World Wildlife Fund. So, for example, if you had a particular interest in saving the gorillas you could contribute by purchasing a gorilla turd embedded in a plastic cube. Same with tigers and pandas and snow leopards. Your purchase would not only help save your favorite endangered species, but become a terrific conversation starter in your office.

(Elephant poop, I thought, would be problematic. It would require a very large hunk of plastic and you might need a couple burly friends or a small crane to help hoist it onto your desk.)

Of course, like most of my business ideas, I never got around to doing anything with it. But I still think it would be a great idea. If you have the time and money and inclination to pursue the idea, I hereby grant you permission to run with it.

But let’s get back to my dad for a moment. Think how much more profitable his manure business could have been if he had thought of selling individual cow pies for $17.95 each instead of selling a dump truck load for just $6. His profits would have risen exponentially.

Endangered Feces.

You missed a huge opportunity, dad.